Oblivion

This time last year I was a final year uni student/bum in a house of gamers. Whilst they were all playing co-op games like Left 4 Dead (with microphones so they could talk to each other during gameplay *sigh*) I immersed myself in the scenic yet horribly glitchy world of Oblivion.

Firstly you choose a race which include a couple of human species, sexy elf types or wierd lizard creatures. Customisation is very advanced and you can alter pretty much anything, from the colour of your hair to the width of the bridge of your nose, not that it matters at all. However the designers seem to have forgotten about female traits, no matter how much you thin out those chunky thighs or give your character a mop of blonde hair they still end up looking like neanderthal butch lady lovers from ye old days past.

The main plotline involves finding the illegitimate son of Emperor Septim who rather rudely snuffs it within seconds of meeting you. You veer in and out of sewers in the city's prison (for some unknown reason you were an inmate there) punching rats dressed only in a piece of sack cloth. Then you find a sword on a dead guard hooray! and proceed out of the stinky sewers into the lovely crisp air of the kingdom of Cyrodil hooray!

Like most fantasy adventure games you follow a number of sub plots by carrying out pointless tasks for the morons of the land like a Medieval runner. One of the aspects of the game I really dislike is the characterisation of the task givers or other cretinous extras milling around town centres. The task givers insist on giving you an oral presentation of their woes like they think you would give a shit. They bitch, moan and whine about their troubles, which apparantly will all be fixed with the retrieval of, oh I don't know, a piece of sweetbread or acting as pest control by cutting rats into ribbons in someone's cellar.

Saying this it is a fantastic game for any bad tempered, easily angered gamers out there. Keep leveling up your weapons or destructive spells (my favourite being the fireball) then stand in the middle of a busy town like the Imperial City and start a massacre on the unsuspecting citizens. Once you slay your first victim expect to see the whole town descend on you in a blazing fury. Of course the average townie doesn't have any weapons so they will laughably try to beat you to death with tiny frail fists. Just watch out for the guards.

The landscape of Oblivion is absolutely massive and fully exploratory. You can travel all over the country, go in forests, swim in the (almost) endless ocean and climb the highest hills providing you have the stamina! Because the country is so vast (including the island add ons) you have the opportunity to fast travel on your map providing you've travelled to the destination before. However it's enjoyable jumping on the fastest horse and galloping across the changing scenery and as the day turns to night and so forth.

Although horses are fast and pretty enough to appeal to the most cutesy of girls they are useless in battle. If you are riding along and get attacked by the inevitable wolf or bandit you have to dismount each time and tackle them head on which is a nuisance when it happens so bleeding much. Also don't leave your horse stranded in the wilderness as they are likely to get attacked and killed like my poor Black Blade *sob*

Commerce is a big deal in Oblivion. You need money to buy the best spells from mage guilds, weapons, clothing or anything else you fancy. You can earn money by being a do gooder and carrying out the relentess tasks, collecting herbs and things to make potions, or simply by stealing from people and breaking into houses and yoinking anything lying around. There are consequences for being a bad ass and a lot of the time the guards catch you even if noone saw you pinch their stuff. Same goes for murdering innocent folk, the guard's spidey senses are immediately alerted. It's also a good idea to go raiding in the many caverns to find lots of goodies.

So what to do now you have stacks of gold? Buy a horse! horses are very expensive but make travelling especially through harsh terrain easier, and dare I say, a lot more fun. You are also encouraged to buy houses in a few of the towns as resting areas and places to stash your loot. My favourite house was in the town of Cheydinhal because it is by far the prettiest and resembles the pink Disney castle (hee hee!) the downside is it costs even more to furnish your house and once you empty your funds for a few velvet curtains and lacquered dressers you realise it's utterly pointless to the gameplay.

Anyway I've gabbled enough about Oblivion, there are so many glitches, and the characters are the flattest I've ever seen in a game but it is really one of those games that suck you in from the beginning. Once you have ranked the highest in your clans and skills, bought every posh house in the country and can blast you enemies from 20 feet away you feel like the King (or Queen) of bloody everything.