Hello I'm me, who the hell are you?

Perception is one thing, all us as conscious beings cannot escape. Not to say that some people haven't tried.

To us normal blimps of existence, the famous are there for one gastronomical reason, for us to judge, prod and poke them until they don't look like us anymore but a group of plastic aliens that descend to earth for a while until we get bored of them.

I've been intrigued by the personality created around Jim Morrison, in fact I'm not at all sure that such a person ever existed. It's like every fan, critic or friend own a small piece of a jigsaw and squeeze them all together to make the paradoxical Frankenstein that is Morrison. He's either a sex symbol or a melancholic poet, a menace to society or an icon of revolution, a philandering bastard or a vulnerable young man. Morrison himself created an enigma around his past life, declaring his parents dead and that he was traumatised by a horrific car accident witnessed at the age of four. It turned out that his parents were very much alive (but estranged from their son and his bohemian lifstyle) and that alledgedly the accident involved no fatalities, just an old Pueblo man crying on the side of the road. But why do people care if these stories were true or not? why do I care? It's the strange insatiable desire we all have to figure out these percieved gods.

Another perception gripped strongly by the public is that of Sylvia Plath and her husband Ted Hughes. Plath remains an enigma too, a young talented and beautiful woman who is bizarrely obsessed with death. Hughes adultery was blamed for Plath's suicide, although it is forgotton that Plath was suicidal from her early years as a teenager. We like paint a picture of the shy, vulnerable women being abused and abandoned by the tyranneous Hughes, it's easy for us to understand, easy to create a victim and a bully. During her lifetime Plath fought against perceptions placed on her. In 1954 after intensive electroshock treatments, Plath bleached her hair blonde and made a name for herself at Harvard, winning poetry prizes and exceeding in her studies. Plath said she wanted to make a 'new persona' for herself, although clearly she did not rid herself of all her demons.

Modern celebrities, as we all know are created entirely on perception than any recognition of their art. A pop star is not just a singer, they are an image perfectly honed (and sometimes destroyed) for the viewing pleasure of the public. It's interesting to see how the tide turns for some celebrities. Seven years ago Cheryl Cole was the arrogant foul mouthed member of a girl band who racially attacked a black woman in a restuarant. But after her husband's adultery in 2008 Cole was thrust into tv shows, adverts, her own successful solo career because she was now a 'nice northern lass' Her public image took a U-turn so much so that she won 'Most Inspirational Woman of the Decade.' Heck. The same couldn't be said for pop road-kill Britney Spears who continues to grapple to the top of her failed career but slides back down again. It's inevitable that once Spears pops her clogs she won't be the pot bellied red-neck mad woman but a poor desolate girl who was pushed to become the best by all those around her then laughed at on her way downwards like a circus freak show by all of you, you bastards!

I could go into the whole 'celebrity culture compensating for structural religion debate' but it's obvious to everyone. Let's just say that judgement is what we all do best, as soon as we learn to speak we are saying what we like and don't like, we love examining others, doing a bit of pop psychology on them because we all know somewhere in the world someone is doing that to us as well.

Milking our ovaries: Womb envy in folklore

Fairytales have not always been the fluffy Disney-esque stories we read to our children at night, once upon a time they were unpleasant stories of rivalry, jealousy and an incredible amount of violence and debauchery.

When I was a child fairytales bored me, they were flat, meaningless stories that preached crusty morals about being do-gooder females. Our revolting folklore tales were cleaned up by 18th century storyteller Charles Perrault in order to entertain French aristocrats who were so gentille the mere mention of blood or copulation would make a lady keel over. In turn the Brothers Grimm took many of Perrault's adaptations and a handful of German folklore and mashed them up into a bright ball of fluffiness.

Sadly these tales stripped of thier crude motifs lose a lot of their intial meaning. Freud may have coined the phrase 'penis envy', but looking back at the attitudes towards women in these old tales its easier to believe that men have been(and perhaps still are)scared, envious, intriguded and fearful of the power of the womb.

Bruno Bettlehein explored how fairytales become symbolic of children growing into adults. Every single heroine in the fairytales of the Western world are pretty industrious girls no older than 13. Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel were all supposed to be girls reaching menstruation, and with menstruation comes the ability to bear children. Of course these girls never follow a smooth course to a happy ending, they are obstructed by people jealous or frightened by their developing sexuality, namely old crones or promsicious men. Little Red Riding Hood is the obvious example, a girl who conspiciously wears the colour of menstruation whilst wandering around a wood completely alone save for the ravenous male wolf whos enticed by the sight and smell of this young woman. Bettlehein suggests the absence of parents in these tales plays upon a bildungsroman theme, that by removing guardians (or making them utterly useless) it shows how young women must make their own decisions in life.

There is however a recurring theme of parental neligicance in womb envy, being incestuous fathers. In The Bear by Giambattisa Basile a king seeks out a new wife after being widowed, and looks towards his own daughter as his bride. He keeps her locked within the castle and her only escape is by wearing a bearskin (or donkey, or goatskin depending on the variations)to avoid having sex with her father. The entrapment of the pubescent daughter shows the father is aware of the girl's sexuality, sees it as a threat to his own power as a man so he decides to keep her for himself.

Basile also recorded the earliest version of the sleeping beauty story, named Sun Moon and Talia. The father is distressed when the heroine, Talia pricks her finger on the spindle, the spindle being a phallic symbol and the blood drawn from Talia showing a loss of innocence. The King presumes she is dead and sends her body to a country estate to never be seen again. However another king finds Talia in the estate, and not being able to wake her, decides to rape her in her sleep. What a lovely tale to tell the kids! Talia gives birth, still comatose to twins who wake her up by sucking the poision out of her finger. The princess's deep sleep marks her period into sexual maturity, the rape is an act of dominance and power of the male upon a dormant womb. When Talia wakes up and seeks out the king who violated her, she comes across his evil wife who also shows womb envy because after years of marriage she remains barren while Talia gives birth to twins in her sleep.

It's interesting to note in The Grimm's 'cleaned up' version of the tale, the young girl in her comatose state is made unttainable by being placed in the top room of a tower surrounded by a thicket of thorns. The thicket is a protective barrier against the girl's virginity that only the most virtuous of men can enter . In a more literal interpretation, the thicket is the virgin's freshly grown pubic hair which acts as the gateway to a princess's womb.

Our fairytales were not born out of social niceities as we know them today. It wasn't about morals and karmic outcomes for do-gooders, they were tales about humanity. Jealousy, anger, betrayal, courage, friendship, family roles and restraints. They were about real people in bizarre fantasy landscapes which mean to tell us more about human behaviour than what we should or shouldn't do. Sexuality is the greatest motivaton in the human psyche, and to those male storytellers all those years ago, the womb and feminine sexuality was an admirable mysterious and unattainable quality. Sex is all about the hidden, fetishes are fetishes because we don't understand them, they are secrets. In folklore the womb is a secret and all men want to know.

Drawing the Curtains: Frusciante's life through the albums Part Three

Next follows A Sphere in the Heart of Silence, which was released in November of the same year and is one of Frusciante's albums which closely resembles his first recordings over a decade ago. The album is a joint effort with multi-faceted musician Josh Klinghoffer whose childlike high pitched vocals lends a ethereal quality to the album's melancholia. The album contains only seven tracks at an average of five minutes each which is a bold move even for an experimental artist like Frusciante.
The album is deeply electronica influenced with synthesisers and electronic drums as primary instruments. Frusciante returns to his trademark caterwailing from Niandra in "Walls" blended with heavy electronic beats in a somewhat painful track you wouldn't want to be seen listening to unless people already find you disturbing. "Afterglow" is arguably the most inspiring track on the album, finding a perfect balance between a fast paced dance backing and haunting vocals. "Shadows casting bodies, who knows which way things will go?" Frusciante's take on electronica is undoubtedly fresh and complexing for the listener but I feel the man works best when he keeps his music raw and untampered.

Curtains is the final quick release album of 2004, and rather aptly named too. Frusciante seems to have pulled himself from the depressive Sphere in the Heart of Silence towards a more acoustic orientated album. "The Past Recedes" is a predictable, soft centred track that is a little too perfect sounding for a Froo fan like myself. An official video for The Past Recedes was created, but it is a rather uninspiring piece where cameras pointlessly follow Frusciante round his boring LA house doing boring things like getting out of bed, eating a rissole and taking a nap. Watch out for some exciting shots of his kitchen sink and try not to hyperventilate! Joking aside the album is a massive improvement from "Sphere" and illustrates in finer detail how simplicity and unrefined peformances of songs leads to a purer and enjoyable sound. A clear example is "Ascension" which in no way is perfect (Frusciante's count up to the song is heard and the acoustics of the room are tinny) but it is a warm, bittersweet and spontaneous song that shows seems to wrap up the whole message of the album, that the deeply flawed side of humanity is the purest inspiration.

Although the six month album stint ceased here, it certainly wasn't the end of Frusciante's solo efforts. January 2009 saw the release of The Empyrean, a musical masterpiece to start the end of a decade. The record has been named a concept album by Frusciante himself, but it perhaps more subtle in its storyline than the more famous examples from prog rockers Pink Floyd and Genesis. The Empyrean is supposidely the story of two characters existing within a man's mind throughout his lifetime. It's not quite clear how this conclusion is met simply by listening to the album, like previous works of Frusciante his songs express a plethora of atmosphere without any tangible meaning. It's probably why his work remains so compelling.
The Empyrean literally means the highest point in heaven, and backed up by a string quartet and a handful of prominent musicians (Flea, Josh Klinghoffer and Johnny Marr from the Smiths) the album develops a celestial silky smooth weightlessness to Frusciante's sound.
Frusciante's cover of Tim Buckley's "Song to the Siren" is a beautiful rendition and although it doesn't quite capture the intimacy and grief of the original, Frusciante makes it his own. It is an apt song for Frusciante who like Buckley was plunged into heroin addiction and it's references to Greek mythology link nicely with the Milton/Blake-esque theme of the album.
"Unreachable" is a quietly spectacular song and a pivotal scene in the story of The Empyrean. the protagonist wakes from the lull of "The Siren" and realises he is disconnected from everyone in the world. In "God" we see Fruscinate playing the role of the big man himself, explaining to the protagonist why he even creates life in the first place and not to give up just yet.
"So each day would be new I build you to sleep. That's the idea of dying but you'll just have to see." Of all of Frusciante's works, "God" a melodic feathery piece is the artist's own reconcilication with spirituality after a destroyed youth.
"Central" at 7.16 minutes long is the most lengthy and powerful song in the album, illustrating the protagonist's sudden desire to rid himself of apathy and fear to progress to his own Empyrean.

Essentially The Empyrean is a story of personal enlightenment, attaining heights that seemed impossible at one point. Being comfortable with your own existence and not denying yourself to life. Frusciante's style in The Empyrean is refined without an obsession over perfection. Vocals are distorted and instruments experimentented with but the album has a solid backbone which stretches his style into the sublime. Indeed it's Frusciante's greatest effort as of yet.

From the Shadows: John Frusciante's life through the albums Part Two

By 2004 Frusciante reached his musical peak, but it certainly wasn't the end of the road. Years after rehab and dental surgery Frusicante was ganing confidence in his talents and of all albums, Shadows Collide with People was the one that gave recognition of his songwriting talents, briefly glimpsed at in previous records. The flurry of guitar chords and electronic stratching in "Carvel" builds up to reveal Frusciante's voice has drastically improved since Niandres. The man hits high and low notes with ease, growls and roars the lyrics and is complimented by a high scaling pop sound. If I had one word to describe this album it would be "healthy". Frusciante is still concerned with his own journey and his climb back into normality, but the album gives us a sense he already climbed that steep slope. Shadows is a deeply honest, profound yet beautifully mellow record from a man who has been given a second chance for life.

Despite the success of Shadows, it was an incredibly costly and time consuming album to produce. Frusciante then decided he would go against the grain of pop album recording to write, produce and perform on six consecutive albums over six months. the idea would be that he would create a sound that was raw, minimal and spontaneous. The Will to Death was the first of these six albums and personally a very high scorer in my books. Unlike Shadows every song is stripped down to it's fundamental core. No backing vocals, no layering of sounds.Just Frusciante and his friend Josh Klingoffer performing on a maximum of two takes for each song. The nakedness of the album gives a strange ethereal quality to every song, the lack of 'noise' means Frusciante's voice is shown to have matured and developed so much that it could carry the whole album by itself, and indeed listening to the vocals through one ear phone proves my theory. The short, slightly angsty "The Loop" is the birthplace of Frusciante's strange and paradoxical lyrics enterwined with built up vocals and guitar. Somehow it works. My favourite song of all of Frusciante's back catalogue is on this album, "The Days Have Turned." Turn it up high on your headphones at 2 in the morning and you might just get a glimpse of the quiet yet beautiful melancholia of the song.

Skipping the Ataxia albums (Frusciante and Klingoffer's sporadic band) we reach Inside of Emptiness released in October of the same year. Frusciante's sound hasn't changed much from The Will to Death, even the album is packaged in the same textured cardboard and eerie front cover. The album lacks the entertainment factor of Shadows and the innovation behind The Will to Death but each song has its own uniqueness and style. "A Firm Kick" is a pivotal song on the track list. It begins as a simple acoustic song, focused on his past regrets and misgivings (as many Froo tracks on the album do) but halfway in appears some poignant lyrics doubled with a beautiful electronic messy noise.

"I will play some light from the sun
The world by my side
I will see down as a forlorn maiden in the sky
And I will play a song of thunder you may recognize
You make a never
Thats forever
Knowing what you deny."

Frusicante has that special talent of making his music accessible and dare I say it, comforting in a way an audience can understand emotionally, but not figuratively. His lyrics are vague and whimsical, by not saying a lot, they somehow paint a masterpiece in the mind's eye.A Firm Kick is like a static white staircase ascending into the clouds then crashing down suddenly at your feet. It's a peculiar, mesmerising album, definitely worth a number of listens.

New York Kid to LA prodigy: John Frusciante's life through the albums

John Frusciante remains much of an enigma in the UK. Many people will know him as the guitarist from Red Hot Chili Peppers and being the man responsible for the rise and rise (the fall being his departure in 1992)of the band's popularity, but little know him as the well established solo artist that have many American RHCP followers into Froo fans, as I like to call them.

Frusciante's first solo album, Niandra Lades and Usually Just a T-Shirt in 1994 wasn't the success many budding Froo fans expected to hear. Excessive drug taking and the overwhelming nature of sudden fame meant Frusciante, who was only 18 when he joined the band became disillusioned by the successes he achieved. Niandra Lades is a painful record to listen to. It almost feels intrusive to listen to Frusciante's wailing nonsensical words over his beautiful yet deeply melancholic guitar riffs, like rubbernecking at a roadside accident. Prominent songs on the album include "Mascara", which begins with with a methodical rhythm but slowly uncoils into a confused tangle of lyrics and melodies not unlike Fruscinate's own life unravelling at the seams. The creatively named "Your Pussy's Glued to a Building on Fire" with it's simplicist melody showcases more of Frusciante's powerful vocal talents which are ever more present in his later albums.

Niandra Lades was an album about a lifestyle choice gone wrong, a man on the brink of death. Luckily Frusciante managed to pull himself out of a serious heroin addiction, reunite with RCHP bandmates and release his solo debut From the Sounds Inside in 2001. The album which was free to download from his website meant Frusciante was reconnecting with fans after the alienation caused by Niandra Lades and second album Smile from the Streets you hold.

In the same year he released his third offical album, To Record Only Water for Ten Days which was astoundingly different from any previous releases. My strange habit of keeping labels on my albums tells me that I bought it for £16.99, a ludicrous amount of money for a CD, but that was the early noughties before anyone even heard of downloads. To Record is an album deeply influenced by synth pop and electronica as Frusciante experiments with a more concentrated and controlled sound. "Going Inside" is a fantastic kick off for album which illustrates to the listener Frusciante's need to take perspective of the past. The instrumental "Murderers" and "Ramparts" evoke a sense of eeriness through methodical synthsised drum beats but much of the album is very claustrophobic and dense with self absorption to listen to as a whole.

This concludes part one of my review of Frusciante's back catalogue, I will update with part two very shortly!

Ceremonies in the desert

“Long time ago
In the beginning
there were no white people in this world
there was nothing European.
And this world might have gone on like that
except for one thing:
witchery.”

Since reading Leslie Marmon Silko's Ceremony well over two years ago I've grown a fascination with New Mexico, USA. Even as the name suggests it has no individual identity, it's a state torn apart and sewn together with a plethora of conflicting races and nationalities.

Silko's novel written in 1977 tells the story of Tayo, a mixed race Pueblo man returning to Laguna, New Mexico after fighting in the second world war. Tayo is traumatised from his experiences, in particular the death of his cousin, Rocky who was fighting alongside him in the Philippines.

Tayo's desire to return to his homeland soon develops into a restlessness he cannot shake off. He and the other Pueblo veterans returning from the war realise the 'war hero' status is not theirs to own, it is the white man's. The Pueblo consciousness has been gradually eroded away and smoothed over by white ideologies. Ownership,boundaries. The life of the land becomes obsolete.

Silko intends to show New Mexico through a thick weave of stories and tales which expand, alter and intertwine to create the real consciousness of the state. Tayo's story is predominately linear but is littered with quick flashbacks of pre-war New Mexico and war time jungle conflicts as Tayo struggles to reclaim his roots in Laguna. Silko also merges ancient Pueblo stories within the novel, a central one being the story of the drought caused by Reed Woman leaving the earth.

The crux of Ceremony is the importance of these tales and the ability for Native Americans to adopt new ones. Tayo is shunned by many of his Pueblo contemporaries because of his half European, half Native American background. Like attitudes towards Tayo's bi-racial status, the Pueblos see the white man impregnating native land as a sign of change for the worse.

With the help of an Elder named Betonie, Tayo learns to deal with his post traumatic stress as brought on by the horrors of the war and the death of his cousin. Betonie is the true personification of New Mexico, of mixed Mexican and Pueblo decent he practices the native religion in a shack filled with Western pop cult: coca cola cans, newspapers, magazines overlooking white man's territory. Clearly the novel cannot avoid the overwhelming melancholy of the Pueblo in a land which is becoming unrecognisable to them, but Silko is optimistic (as a mixed race American herself) that a kind of acceptance and absorption of Western culture is necessary to progress.

Since reading Ceremony I have been mesmerized by the magical quality of New Mexico. From playing Uru (initially set in modern day New Mexico) to touring the plains on Google Maps for hours, it has been an obsession of mine to visit the state which boasts a whole load of nothingness (much of the desert remains uninhabited) but is brimming full of old world magic, stories and ceremony.

Uru Live: A game that ought not to be myst!

Adventure/logic game nerds have warmly welcomed the relaunch of Myst Online: Uru live. Me included.

Ok so it started in 2003 and despite the seven year gap not a lot has changed, but who's complaining? The Myst/Riven/Uru storylines have always been an integral part of the games as we see the developing and declining relationships with Atrus and his family in the bittersweet plot.

The original Myst and Riven games always had difficulty fitting the player into the plot. You have no name, no back history, not even a face, heck even the characters have no idea who you are. You are constantly approached with a suspicious sideways glance. "Who's this guy?" they say "Oh never mind, just fix this contraption for me will you?" In Uru live you and other players are special individuals called in to save the old civilisation of the D'ni by solving a number of logical puzzles.

What makes the story much more compelling is that instead of immersing the player into the beautiful, yet wholly fictional and unexplainable ages, the story of the D'ni interwines with the 'real world'. You begin the journey in New Mexico where remains of the D'ni civilisation were found in modern day, therefore sparking a development studio to create an educational video game called Myst. Nice twist eh?

Yeesha, Atrus's daughter from Myst III and IV appears in hologram form and fills you on your purpose to rebuild the D'ni Civilisation. "Sure, why not?" you say to yourself, "Nothing good on TV these days anyway."

Another difference from the original games is that it is set up in 3rd person format, i.e you create an avatar of yourself and watch your own bum wiggling in front of you as you gallop across the landscape. Granted, this had to be done to differeciante yourself from other online players but it rather strips the romantic mysterious nature of the game. Plus not a great deal of effort was made on characterisation, I feel like a Sim that has just eaten some bad ramen and had a bad trip into a psychdelic mindfield. This is why I keep 1st player mode on.

Ok so the biggie of the game, the online feature of course. It sort of works. Basically you can visit ages and solve problems on your own as normal without being disturbed by irritating people, but you can if you wish visit public ages where you can socialise with other players, get help for puzzles or frolic in buttercup fields with them, whatever. There is nothing worse than playing an MMORPG like World of Warcraft and being constantly ganked by some adolescent ass for lols or having to endure harassment from a gamer with a elf fetish. Uru is for the intellectual online gamer. You know the type, that mild mannered guy from accounting who sits at home in his M&S dressing gown reading War and Peace during game loads.

Don't let the online tag put you off if you are an avid Myst fan. The graphics are not as top grade quality as the previous games as expected in an RPG, but at least it gives you the freedom of exploring every weeny detail you couldn't beforehand. Plus the game and every age you visit is pretty damn huge.

Not bad at all for a game is which at present completely free to play online. Take that Wow, Conan, LOTR and all you other subscription games!